In 1994, three years before her death Lillian wrote: "Where am I now?  All my time is mine. Not lost. There are tears by the bucket for the lost years that I now remember, along with the feelings. I don't automatically know how to cope with everything at once, but I am staying one-person. There are frustrations, glaring mistakes, faltering steps and once in a while, success. I am relearning.

As Lillian worked towards integration, horrible, traumatic memories surfaced. Jean recounts an important breakthrough that triggered a memory of when Lillian’s mother Jessica sexually violated her two-year-old son James, rupturing his sphincter muscle. At age 10, James was soiling himself day and night, which his doctor (Dr. Frank Alabiso) believed was an expression of anger. Now, for the first time, everyone understood that James’ soiling was the result of heinous abuse inflicted by Lillian’s own mother.

Integration is a complex and protracted process for multiple personality disorder patients that can extend over months and in some cases years. Integration is not complete until the last of the multiple personalities has revealed their traumas to the core personality.

How does one heal from trauma so horrific that one's identity becomes shattered? Unlike other forms of dissociative disorder, the original trauma leading to multiple personality disorder occurs in the period during which identity itself is being formed - usually around age three.

In this psychologist's experience, healing takes place through a series of stages.

As James’ therapist, I was involved with treatment at many levels. While James was my primary patient, much of our time together included close family members, as well Lillian’s various personalities who interacted regularly with James and revealed themselves during our therapy sessions. During the time James came to see me for treatment, none of Lillian's personalities were aware of one another, so my role also included bridging the information gaps between multiple relationships that were evolving between James and various personalities.

Gaining the trust of James, his family and the personalities was essential to my role in providing James with advocacy in order to protect his mental and physical well-being.

Lillian’s personality was unassertive, self-deprecating and shy. Lillian feared anger. But where there has been trauma, there will be rage. Lillian's mind created personalities that held her rage, yet none of these altered states harmed anyone except for Lillian herself.

The belief that she was possessed by evil spirits tormented Lillian. In fact Lillian was not healed until one of her final therapy sessions when her psychiatrist discovered the trauma that led to this belief in possession.

When a young girl experiences severe trauma that is so unbearable -- severe physical, sexual and emotional abuse -- the brain locks the memory into a newly created self in the mind like a person in a jigsaw puzzle – that self – withholds the secret from the host personalities mind and develops an identity of its own.  It is the mind’s attempt to create a defense mechanism.

People have been fascinated by the concept of multiple personality disorder ever since American psychologist Morton Prince, MD, Ph.D. first wrote “The Dissociation Of Personality” in 1906.  For decades following, cases of multiple personality disorder were sporadically diagnosed but it wasn’t until the 1970s that attention about the disorder came to the general public through books and films like “Sybil” and “The Three Faces of Eve”.

On July 22, 1983, Lillian created a list of her personalities, including age, the date each appeared, and the dates of their first therapy and final integration.

Amy was one of Lillian's youngest personalities. She emerged as a 5-year-old girl and Aunt Jean taught her how to write and play piano. Lucy, another one of Lillian's personalities, told her doctor that when Lillian was locked in the coal cellar or closet as a child, she talked to her pretend playmate and named her Amy.

According to Lillian's journal, Amy integrated August 28, 1981.

Exciting times for "Lillian, A True Story of Multiple Personality Disorder" which was featured at a recent Book Fair in Mexico.

"Lillian" continues to be translated into more and more languages and the audiobook is coming soon. Stay posted!

Each of Lillian's personalities had their own distinctive ways of communicating. Each saw themselves as having physical characteristics that were different from Lillian, who was self conscious about being overweight.

In a journal entry composed August, 1981, Patti, who identified as non-binary and was a member of Mensa, wrote:

"I am twenty seven and never been kissed but I will never tell. My hair is red, and sometimes it is brown from, I think, the way the light shines on it. I have a weight of 125 and my tallness is five feet one inch and my waist - little - is 26 inch. I am an orphan with no papa or Mama."

Esther Winslow was known by Lillian’s other personalities to be the angry one. She was often blamed by the others for slapping and trying to poison Lillian’s son James. She took Lillian on long bus rides and occasional car trips, leaving Lillian stranded hundreds of miles away from her home. 

A letter from Lucy, promising to integrate with Lillian.

Lucy was the first personality to reveal themself. She said she was 18 and was prone to angry fits, often breaking dishes. She was very talkative, extroverted and enjoyed painting, shopping and listening to country music. Lucy enjoyed time with Jimmy, Lillian's husband, often emerging at night to be intimate with him. She had a strong relationship with Lillian's son James, and spent hours playing cards and games with him.

Frozen in time as a 5-year-old child, Amy is curious, spontaneous, good-natured and loving. Lillian’s aunt Jean taught Amy to write and play the piano.

Amy told Aunt Jean that her favorite color was black and when asked why, she explained:

“When Lil’s mother take us out of the coal cellar, our dress be dirty. Shoes too. She say, ‘Naughty black dirty girl, spoiled her dress.’
Face an’ hands be black too. If dress an’ shoes be black, can’t see dirty. I like black.”